Cuts
by Abilovesbooks
Summary: Sammy Finds cuts on you're arm. One-shot


"Hey Y/N! How are you?" Sam Winchester says in that relaxing way of his. Although you may be falling apart you would never say anything to him. Just being in his presents makes you feel better.

"I'm fine Sam, thanks." You say even though you can't quite look him in the eye. He either doesn't notice or chooses not to say anything, and knowing him, it's the latter.

"That's good. Hey maybe we should go get some coffee why we wait for Dean and Cas to get back?" You agree to go with him.

"We'll take one Chi Tea and one Pumpkin Spice Latte please." You here Sam ordering. Maybe it was a bad idea to come with him. He's to preceptive. He'll probably notice the cuts on your arm. Nothing good can come out of that. He'll hate you. Nobody can love a cutter.

"So, there's this case a couple miles from here. Me and Dean are going to look into it. Maybe you want to join us?" No one wants to spend time with me. He's just saying it to make me feel better.

"No thanks. Maybe next time." and even as you say it you know you will never take him up on that offer.

Why am I even here. He's not friends with you, he doesn't like you, you're not part of his family. Your just a worthless charity case.

"Hey, uh, you ok?" It must be really hard to fake that mush sincerity but he doesn't care about you anyways. Just quit talking man.

"Yeah, I'm fine" You say with a smile. Just then the barista says your drinks are finished and you volunteer to get them.

When you come back to the table and hand him his drink, your sleeve shifts a little and angry red slashes line your arms. You quickly pull them down. Did he see? You start to panic a bit and looking at his face doesn't give you any answers.

"Um, why are leaves green?" You blurt out nervously desperate to change the subject. Did he see?

"Well, I suppose they're green because it's the color of the chlorophyl." He laughs. You relax a little, but there's still a possibility he saw them. It puts you really on edge.

"Er, but why couldn't the chlorophyl be like purple or something?" You say awkwardly. "Um actually never mind. Can we just leave please?" You say pleading with him.

"Yeah if that's what you want."

"Thanks." You say and you take you're drinks and walk to the Impala.

When you get in, you breathe a sigh of relief happy to be out of the ballpark. However, Sam reaches down and grabs the wrist of both your hands over your jacket.

"Talk to me." He says.

"What are you talking about?" You freaking out now. He just looks at you with sad eyes and a look that says he doesn't believe you.

"Ok well, if there is nothing to talk about, you wouldn't mind letting me check your wrist now would you?" You're busted now and there's no escape from it. You just sigh and nod your head.

He slowly rolls up your sleeves. He doesn't look to surprised by the layers of scars covering your arms. Then, he reaches over and wraps you in his arms.

"Oh,Y/N." He sighs, and you just start to cry.

"Why didn't you say anything? We would've done anything to help you."

"There was nothing to say."

He just looks at you sympathetically. You shake your head and start to cry harder. You know you look defeated. And pathetic. You're worthless and weak.

Sam lifts up your chin, forcing you to meet his eyes, "You're amazing darlin, you don't need to do this to yourself. What ever it is we can work it out. No one's going to judge you, you're safe here."

"How long have you known?" You ask him. I really did try to hide it and cover my tracks. It scares me, because what if someone else finds out.

"Ok, well this might come as a shock to you, but I used to cut. A long time ago, when Dad was always on the road, I just didn't want to live anymore. I couldn't leave my family though. I, well I guess I just always look for the signs in other people. I've known for a while now but I notice that you keep getting worse. Talk to me?"

"I don't... I mean... it's not really that big of deal..."

"Not that big of a deal that you find it necessary to hurt yourself? That is a big deal love, you don't deserve what you're doing to yourself."

"No. You don't understand. It's not that simple. There is nothing simple about this. You don't understand how much I hate myself and how much I hate what I do and how I act. It hurts, but I'm to much of a coward to kill myself. I don't want to be here anymore and there isn't anything that I can do to change how I feel and I hate it. I hate this. I hate that I've tried to stop and I can't. There isn't any other option for me and I just..." Where he had listened to me quietly this whole time as I started to run out of thoughts he spoke up.

"There is always another option. I know how hard it is. Sometimes I still wake up at 2 in the morning begging to cut. But there is hope. I promise you. It does get better."

"I don't believe you. I can't."

He pulls me closer to his chest, enveloping me in his arms. He whispers into my ear, "One day you'll look back on this and you'll know that you were wrong. I will help you Y/N and you can get through this."

"I want you to come to me the next time you have these urges and we will beat this. Together. You are not alone. I don't ever want to loose you."

"I'll try Sammy but, I don't know if I can. I'm in to deep now. I'm scared if I don't cut I'll kill myself and that's what scares me the most."

"I'm not going to let that happen." and he kisses my forhead. Barely just barely I allow a glimmer of hope to seep in.


End file.
